I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
