**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize