Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
