I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
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