If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
