I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
