so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
