I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
