# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
