Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
