i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
