I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
