i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
