I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
