Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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