Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
