So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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