she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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