So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
