now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I woke up under a house in Key West
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
