Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
