just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
