is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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