By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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