i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
