it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
