yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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