I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
