Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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