it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
