i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
