the day after is always just damage control
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
