Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
