but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
