this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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