I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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