your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
