Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
