Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
