Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
