About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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