If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
