We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
