There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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