I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
