hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
