you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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