Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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