Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
