i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
