I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
