I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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