the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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