some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
