Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
