Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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