If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
