am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
