found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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