How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
