he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
zippers are such a cool invention
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
