y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
