yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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