4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
