He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
