i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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