Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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