I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He has the fingertips of a God
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