I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
