He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
