Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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