I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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