I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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