i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
