p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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