Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize