Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
