You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
