im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
