I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
