i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize