I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
