You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
