you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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