Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
