he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
