Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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