I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
