You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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