you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
