Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Enjoy the penises
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
